Booth's File
by Agatha-Naomi
Summary: When looking for a suspect the duo finds themselves at Booth's old school. Booth is subjected to grumpy old Nuns, Mothballs and Catcholic guilt while Bones splits her time being logical and laughing at him. B/B humor.


Booth's file

AN: This should be funny.

Disclaimer: If you're Hart Hanson I don't own Bones. If this is Booth's old teacher Sister Catherine, he didn't do it.

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Their newest victim had no new leads. The brawn and the brain went to his old school. He had been killed shortly after his senior year so it was possible he had enemies at school.

The standard vehicle glided smoothly toward their destination of the Gonzaga College High School.

"I actually went here ya know." Booth said.

" I didn't know. You just told me." She looked at him with a serious expression.

"It's an expression, Bones." He sighed.

"Oh. I see. We should ask if he had any problems with other students."

"Well, who? Nuns don't keep tabs on problems like that."

"Like bullying?" She wheedled.

"Nuns want to catch kids that prank and act vulgar. Kids at Catholic schools don't bully. They mess around. They do dumb funny stuff."

"So Catholic kids are funny when they act vulgar? They never bully?" She pushed.

"Not what I said."

"It sounds like what you said."

"I was saying it'll be harder to find serious bullying since these kids were raised so strict. They misbehave other ways. Jokesters."

"Atheists can be jokesters."

"I didn't say they couldn't"

"You imply that Catholic children are more prone to pranks than others."

"Bones! I said what I said of Catholics! I never compared practicers of the religion to any other group. I was just making a general statement!" He whined.

"General statements have a tendency to be inaccurate." She nagged.

"I guess I make small talk without being totally accurate. Sorry."

"It's alright." She wasn't good at spotting sarcasm was she?

"We're there Bones. Please just , no religion bashing, alright? Let's just see if he had any enemies."

"If anyone did worse than prank him and the Nun took notice we'll know."

"Total jibe, Bones. How can you snip and not catch sarcasm?" Booth was wondering.

"I wasn't using sarcasm." She one-toned. She walked in the building.

"Oh course not" He mumbled "You wouldn't see it if it bit you on the ass."

"Excuse me? I'm Special Agent Seeley Booth and this is my partner Temperance Brennan. We would like to ask you some questions."

The nun was ancient and smelled like mothballs. It was familiar… Oh crap.

" Yes I will assist you. It is strange to see you after so many years Seeley."

"Yes it has been awhile." Booth murmured. What was a while to a dinosaur like Sister Wrinkles? He was too familiar with this office for comfort. Is it wrong to pray for a nun to stop talking?

'Booth and I have a victim who was killed shortly after his senior year. We were hoping if Gregory Burg had any enemies?"

"Child I do not remember." Said moldy.

"I am thirty." Brennan corrected. Booth would have to listen to her wonder why anyone would label her as prepubescent when she clearly was not.

"Sister Catherine, Can we have the 89' student files? Maybe he got into an altercation with another student?" Asked Booth.

"It shall take time. Do you wish to see all files recorded of an altercation in 1989 or can I possibly narrow it down?"

"We have no suspect as of yet Sister Catherine." Grump. Booth loves Catholicism but can't he have it without the guilt inducing nuns?

"Very well. I will return." The tyrannosaurus made her exit.

"I am thirty Booth! And I think she bathes in mothballs!" Exclaimed Bones.

"Just be nice. It's a big favor she's doing." He reasoned.

"You don't seem to like her either." She stated.

"Bones.. Hush up." He sighed.

"I was just observing!" She whined.

"I know, Ok. I don't like her either." He confessed.

"I assumed. You were slightly flustered and irritated. It is the same body language you displayed when we spoke to that lap dancer strawberry Lust." Only Bones would find a connection between a nun and a lap dancer.

"You shouldn't have bought me the dance. It was inappropriate." He said.

"You seemed to enjoy it. You let her sit longer." She pointed out. Booth was steadily growing pinker.

"You bought it for me!" He growled.

"I was nice and everything! I let you collect yourself." She reminded him.

"You bought it for me!" What was he supposed to say? Sorry you had to wait for me to calm down"

"Erections are healthy, Booth! I bought you a lap dance, so what? Men go into sexually excited states often!"

"Bones! We can't talk about bones in a nun's office!" Booth exclaimed.

"You act as though it's not normal! I'm hoping you are healthy enough to realize otherwise."

"Bones, I have no problem other than having a weird sex charged conversation in a nun's domain!"

"Fine. I'll drop the topic." She amended. Other than being mortified Booth was fine.

"Excuse me child? I have the records." Moldy emerged with a stack. How much did she hear? Oh he was going to confession as soon as this was over.

"Thank you Sister." They began sifting through the stacks. She left.

"Bones! Do you know how much she could have heard?"

"Naturally not. I don't know how thick these walls are."

"Hypothetically Bones." He said.

"It is more about context anyways." She reasoned, flipping a page.

"Booth."

"Yeah." He knew what this was about.

"You have a file."

"I'm not a suspect!" Don't look at my dumb teenage stunts!

"Jan. 7th. Had a fist fight with Jared Booth. Reason given: I saw her first." She read.

"Well, all boys fight over girls!"

"It is an alpha male tendency. Jan. 10th. This is only three days after! Pushed Alex Rogers!"

"He insulted Jared." He reasoned.

"Protection of other alpha males is also logical." She states.

"I'm not a suspect."

"It is mere scientific curiosity. Mar. 8th caught smoking cigarettes behind the gym."

"That is all. And there no scientific reasoning for wanting to dig dirt on me!" He reminded her.

"Look at all this. Payton Taylor. January 5th glued condoms to Sister Eugene's door."

"Oh she was so mean! He was a legend!" Booth recalled fondly.

"September 12th put laxatives in the cafeteria food!"

"Jared got so sick."

"Then we have Edgar Finch. Set the frogs in the lab free on dissection day."

"We didn't have to do it. Jared could have kissed him."

"Roger Macy."

" He painted some interesting parts on the horse statue." Booth said with admiration.

"Claude Jets. Oh wow. He's got a list. They actually ran totals of how many times he's done what."

"He's crazy. Jared helped him."

" Snapped a girl's bra 19 times. Vandalism 4 times. Caught passing Playboy in class 21 times. Smoking cigarettes on campus 34 times."

"A legend all right."

"Booth!"

"Do you see what I mean? Pranksters!

"Mark Taylor." She read.

"He was just mean." Booth sighed.

"He and our victim were in a fight on August 17th. "

"Two days before Greg got reported missing." He gasped.

" Finding everything Child?" Said the scary Sister.

"Yes Sister Catherine. Thank you." Booth said. He could not wait to get out of here!

"You are welcome." She sniffed.

He turned to leave with Bones on his tail, when Mothballs called.

"Our walls are thin Agent Booth."

He only collected crossing himself while Bones chuckled.

"At least we caught a hold of a possible suspect." She soothed.

"Yeah." His throat was dry.

"Your ears are red." She said. So much for soothing

"Shut up. I hate nuns.

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An: Well, how was it? Was it funny? Did I make a Catholic angry? Don't you hate it when a nun overhears a sexual conversation? Gonzaga College High School is real. It is a Catholic school in Washington DC. Read and review! I try to reply to reviewers, but it is hard to do. I appreciate all reviews for my other stories. ;] xoxo


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